It is such a pleasure to introduce the lovely Debbie Spellman to the Nourishing Hub. Debbie's interview is authentic and inspiring and has some wonderful words of wisdom for us all to learn from.
Debbie is a Mind Detox Therapist, NLP Master Practitioner, Life Coach, Entrepreneur and Health and Wellness Speaker, she also has her own Detox your Mind TV show. Her mission is to change the way women view themselves, helping them dissolve their false self-image and embrace the women they are inside through radical self-love.
Q/ Can you tell us a bit about yourself? What has been your own journey to where you are now?
A/ I am CEO + Founder of Detox Your Mind, where I am dedicated to helping women change the way they see themselves so they can learn to love and accept the most important person…themselves. I mentor women through the journey I have taken over the past 5 years…I grew up experiencing very low self-worth. Looking back I never felt like I could be myself as a teenager, I always was worried about what everyone else thought of me. It was debilitating. In my 20’s I stayed in a relationship far too long out of fear of leaving. I didn’t trust or believe in myself. In my late 20’s came the catalyst to change…essentially I didn’t listen to the lesson I needed to learn at the time and I lost everything - I hit rock bottom. Interestingly I lost everything that defined me and I was left asking ‘Who am I? Who was I without my role, the envious career and luxury material items? The answer I found forms the basis of my work today.
When we put our identity on the roles we play such as our job title, a wife or a mother; when these roles adapt or disappear we can find ourselves feeling lost and empty.
Looking back it was the greatest gift I have every received because it forced me to re-evaulate who I was, who I spent my time with and what was important to me. Needless to say; everything in my previous life needed to go in order for me to step into my authentic self and be able to teach the message I share today.
Q/ In today’s world is a lot of focus on people detoxing their bodies what does it mean to detox your mind and why is this important?
A/ Great question! Detoxing the mind is so powerful and I believe just as powerful as detoxing the body. I will share why on two levels.
Firstly, many physical symptoms and illnesses experienced in the body are simply a manifestation of the mind. Your body is designed to survive and adapt. When you block your energy through repressing emotions or creating limiting beliefs (primarily from childhood) your body will adapt from this new paradigm. Until you clear these repressed emotions and limiting beliefs; you may not experience full health. For example; some common themes I see when using the Mind Detox Method is psoriasis or other skin conditions which are created when you are trying to protect yourself from external threats such as bullying people. IBS can be a symptom of not letting something go…holding on. The Mind/Body connection is fascinating – anything you are experience can be linked to an emotional root-cause. Clear the root-cause and the symptom heals. The body will always heal itself when given the chance.
Secondly; throughout your lifetime you will have experience what I call many ‘wounds’. These are times in your life where you have felt unloved, rejected, fear, sad/hurt, embarrassed, guilty or shameful. Presently these experiences, depending on at what age you experienced these events, can be repressed deep within your sub-conscious. You can imagine how difficult it would be to operate on a daily basis if we could recall every memory in our entire lives. We would all be a hopeless mess walking around. This is the job of our sub-conscious mind; to repress the negative events in order to help us function on a daily basis.
So what is the problem with this? Your Ego mind (your negative self-talk) has a role. It’s job is to consistently scan what is about to happen in your life (future thinking), it then references every single event in your past (past thinking) to determine whether or not you will be emotionally and physically safe in the next moment. If you continue to have wounds from the past in which you have not healed or let go, forgiven or reframed into a positive learning….there is a whole lot of emotional baggage and negative associations for your Ego to reference. This causes us to play small, hold back, stay quite, remain in relationships and jobs we don’t like out of fear of uncertainly, criticism or judgment. In other words these wounds change our personality because they affect our thoughts, actions, behaviours and therefore our results in life.
Only when you detox your past and bring up these hidden repressed emotions and limiting beliefs can you truly step into your authentic self and experience inner peace and confidence in who you are.
Q/ Detox your Mind Coaching is for women who want to find inner calm, self-acceptance and true confidence – what do you think stands in the way of living this way and how can your programs help?
A/ There can be many layers that stand in the way of inner-calm, self-acceptance and true confidence however I will touch on the main ones I see.
The biggest is negative self-talk. The way a woman talks to herself completely affects the results she gets in life and the person she becomes. Your negative self-talk is simply your Ego, the programming you have received from your past, primarily in childhood. It’s made up of limiting stories and agreements that you create about yourself and the world around you. Changing the way you talk to yourself is the first step.
Like I mentioned above; wounds in your past hold you back. Whether they are from past breakups, mistakes, regrets or undesirable parenting….they need to be healed. Your past affects your present and your future every day. In order to step into the woman you were born to be you must heal your past.
Lastly, everyone else’s expectations, judgments and criticism. What other people think of us can be a huge block in our own authenticity. I believe in order to over come this you need to discover who you truly are. Once you are confident and strong in yourself; other people’s opinions do not matter.
My signature 3 month program is a combination of 1:1 sessions and a comprehensive 12 week e-course. It takes a woman on a path of letting go of the past and all the negative stories, limiting beliefs and sub-conscious self-sabotaging patterns that are holding her back in order to reveal her true authentic self. When she comes to a place of self-acceptance and self-belief in who she is, I then help her craft a lifestyle that lights her up based on her true character and what is important to her. I help her find the courage to let go of all that is not serving her and create a life she loves!
I share every tool, practice and technique I know. The results; inner calm, self-acceptance and true confidence!
Q/ Can you tell us more about Detox your Mind TV?
A/ I started Detox Your Mind TV in order to share the tools, techniques and knowledge that I continue to learn and use on a daily basis to help women live an authentic and confidence life. Sometimes I feel it’s hard to really get across my message via email – my online TV show enables me to be ‘me’ and connect with people in a more personal sense.
Q/ What makes you happy?
A/ Love this question! It’s so simple – being happy is not complex. I used to chase many things in order to find happiness. That designer dress, perfect man or a nice car. Anytime you search for happiness externally it will only bring you fleeting moments of pleasure. Then you find yourself right back to chasing that next ‘thing’ that will bring you happiness. I figured that out very quickly along my journey.
I now believe the more simplicity we create in our lives the happier we become. For me I have completely simplified my life. My house has no clutter….everything in my home I love and I am relentless in letting go of unnecessary items. I spend time with people I love, doing the things I love. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do…unless it is for someone I love and respect.
Ultimately knowing who I am and living according to my true character with integrity and honesty makes me happy. Along with the simple things; the Bronte to Bondi walk, meditation in the park, the sunshine on my skin, spending time with people I love, delving into a good book with a cuppa.
I have goals, yes. Big, huge, terrifying yet incredibly exciting goals…yet I am not waiting to achieve these before I begin to feel ‘happy’.
Happiness is overrated. It’s an emotion and emotions never last long. Find inner joy, peace and contentment in every moment and in who you are and you will never need to search for happiness again.
Q/ What are your own personal practices for keeping a positive mindset (or a detoxed mind)?
A/ I have a very strict morning and evening routine. Structure creates freedom. As soon as I open my eyes I say an affirmation. It instantly changes my state. The first thing many of us think of when we open our eyes is how much longer we can stay in bed before we have to get up. This is immediately a negative and draining feeling. Again, change the way you talk to yourself and it starts as soon as you open your eyes.
I begin my day with meditation and a pep talk! I always thank God for everything I have in every moment throughout the day. My faith ensures I never feel alone, I always feel looked after and nothing is ever too much to handle.
I have a series of techniques to manage my mind and my state on a moment-by-moment basis. I can immediately transform every negative emotion or thought into a empowering positive thought so rarely do I experience negativity for very long. This is so important as we attract who we are being. Raise your energy and watch your life change!
Another tool I have mastered is to automatically see life events from a different perspective; because it is never what happens to us in life that causes our negative emotions; it’s the meaning we attach and the meaning is usually about us and not the other person. This enables me to never feel judged, let down, unloved, rejected etc because I can re-frame in my mind very quickly.
I also have very clear boundaries. I don’t say ‘yes’ to everything. I have set times in my diary where I have a ‘date’ with myself. I never comprise or do a no show to my own date days J they are essential!
Personal practices are so important and although it may look like a whole heap of tools and structure…these are so automatic to me now that it’s simply the way I operate and the results are complete freedom within my mind and my lifestyle.
Q/ If there were 3 tips on health and wellbeing you could share with the world what would they be?
- Stop trying to get somewhere. While many of us are busy trying to achieve what we feel we need to achieve we are missing out on our own lives. Create space in your mornings and evening to unplug from TV and social media and just ‘be’ in your own company either writing, reading or just relaxing. Stop and smell the roses and spend more time in silence…your intuition that guides you can be better heard when your mind is still enough to listen.
- Eat 80% raw (preferably organic) food. Your body is alive and you need live foods to properly nourish yourself. If it’s packaged and processed it’s dead food. Try to make everything yourself and if you can’t go to a trusted café/ food outlet that does without the use of preservatives. Add in one fresh vegetable juice or green smoothie and your mind and body will thank you with energy, clarity and general well-being.
- Be kind to yourself. Always. Become your own best friend and encourage yourself when you are feeling down, give yourself a pep talk when you need to snap out of negativity and nourish and nurture yourself by doing things you really enjoy. You need to spend the rest of your life with yourself so you may as well start enjoying your own company.
Q? What are 3 health products you can’t live without?
- AEOS Skincare range. It’s like a mini-day spa at home making my morning and evening cleansing routine feel incredibly nurturing.
- Apple Cider Vinegar. I drink a full glass of warm water, ACV, fresh lemon and honey every morning. I then sip on post of tea using these ingredients (adding fresh ginger) throughout the day. Perfect for alkalizing the body.
- Dr Bronner’s products. I use the organic hand and body soap in the shower. I have also used this to get grease out of a silk skirt. These products are freakin’ amazing…all organic, fair trade and socially conscious! Brilliant!
Q/ What are your dreams and aspirations for the future?
A/ I know it sounds crazy but I do have a dream of changing the world. Specifically changing the mindset of women around the world. Healing their past and helping them love and accept themselves. This is the driving force and passion behind all that I do.
In 2014 I am taking my message global through an online program, iphone apps and retreats in Australia, Bali and California. I will be doing more group work and delving into sensitive issues for healing such as guilt and shame and the life events which can cause these damaging emotions.
Personally, I am getting married at the end of this year and we will be trying for a baby within 12 months. As I get older family, love and connection are the most important things. Whether that be with my own loved ones or with my clients and followers.
Q/ Through your coaching/mentoring you often use affirmations to create positive changes in peoples lives. What is an affirmation that you think everyone could benefit from (or one that is your own personal favourite)?
A/ When it comes to affirmations I am sometimes a little cautious. I’ll share why. If a woman is experiencing low self-esteem and she continues to say the affirmation ‘I am confident’ this may in fact be to her detriment. Because even though she is saying it, on a deeper level she doesn’t believe it. Therefore this incongruence in her identity will do the opposite of what the affirmation is supposed to do…her mind will tell her she is lying, she will believe that because that is truth according to her beliefs and she will feel worse. The affirmations I use in my mentoring are created individually for each client and therefore subtly re-program their sub-conscious mind.
In saying that, there are some affirmations, which are positive and my personal favourite is ‘It is what it is’. Whenever anything is going on in my life that emotionally challenges me, I repeat this to remind myself it’s the meaning I am giving to this event that is causing my emotional reaction. Not the event itself. The event is always neutral.
My green smoothie concoction – I start every day with this natural superfood buzz!
Debbie's Green Smoothie Concoction
