Some of us get to a point in our lives where we ask “what is this all about?”.

What is all this pushing, forcing, rushing and success obsession really all about?

For me, I was constantly looking at the next goal to achieve, the next deadline to beat, the next project to deliver – the focus was on achieving a result and not on experiencing fulfilment.

Truth be told this form of success was exhausting and left me feeling out of balance and stuck.

Why? Because I was completely in my masculine energy, where outcome overrode everything else.

When I started my career I entered a world that was predominately male. I worked in IT in banks (a very male-dominated industry). Over the years as I managed large projects, big deadlines and people (mostly men) the push, drive and tenacity (yang/masculine) became the way I got my job done and I was rewarded for it. 

The last thing I wanted to be seen as at work was vulnerable or feminine, I just wanted to be treated the same as everyone else (I mean, isn’t this what feminists fought for?). Don’t get me wrong; from the outside, I was very feminine: high heels, dresses, and makeup, but over time I completely (and unknowingly) bulldozed over my feminine energy.

What does Masculine and Feminine Energy Mean?

We are all naturally a combination of masculine and feminine energy. Author David Deida says males are generally 80% masculine and women are 80% feminine, however, this can vary greatly and females can be more masculine and males can be more feminine. When we attract a partner into our lives we tend to attract the opposite energy to our own and this creates chemistry and connection. This puts the dance of feminine and masculine energy in balance. When masculine energy meets masculine energy (and vice versa) the flow and balance are not there.

One way the masculine and feminine energy has been described is the feminine is how we ‘experience’ the world, how to feel through things and the emotions, sensations and the fulfillment that comes with any given experience. On the contrary, the masculine energy is about the ‘results’ – how do we get to the end game, or how this experience brings us closer to our goals and measured outcomes. Neither is right or wrong but you might ask yourself how does each of these energies serve you and are you in one energy more than the other?

We want a masculine partner but are we feminine?

I often hear women complain that their partners are not taking initiatives, making decisions or have become complacent in the romance department. One reason for this might be that as women we are too much in our masculine energy. We are wanting to be in control, pushing, being in the driver’s seat, making decisions, so much so that the male retreats into more of feminine energy – i.e. he surrenders, but somehow neither partner feels fulfillment from this.

So, we want our man to take control, to tell us he’s taking us to dinner, to whisk us away, to be the protector – however, we cannot surrender to the vulnerability of being out of control ourselves. According to Rene Wade, men are attracted to our soft, vulnerable feminine energy because it allows them to be in their masculine energy. This does not mean we can’t strive, drive and push for what we want in life but we must learn to switch into our natural feminine energy when we truly connect with the masculine.

A masculine world

We live in a culture where masculine energy is valued. Competition, drive, tenacity, outcome, push, force and hustle are indicators of success. As women, we join in this game and subscribe to these values but as a result, our feminine energy takes a back seat. That is until one day we find we are so in our heads (and out of our body/heart) that we feel completely empty or we feel anxious and overwhelmed. The fulfillment we were looking for is missing and we realize we need to surrender, to go within, to slow down, to breathe, to connect, to nurture, to live in flow….and guess what? This is feminine.

Sometimes you may experience fear when surrendering, not being in control or being vulnerable (Brene Brown’s TED talk is great to listen to on this topic). However this femininity is where much of your power, your creativity, and your purpose lies – it is just about allowing this to come into play.

Perhaps you work in a masculine environment or you have your own business that requires a lot of drive and hustle, or perhaps you are at home but have just evolved more into your masculine energy. How then do you invite in the feminine?

Here are a few practices to help you switch into your feminine energy:

• Get creative (draw, paint, photograph, write, blog, knit, art etc)
• Do yoga, stretching or dance
• Cook and nourish (also taps into our creativity)
• Spend more time with other women (connect with female friends and women’s circles are amazing)
• Self-care (take a bath with bath salts, have a massage etc)
• Move (female is movement, masculine is stillness)
• Light candles or burn oils
• Meditation and breathing (the out breath is the feminine – try big exhales)
• Sex and intimacy and touch
• Be in nature/garden
• Receive, surrender, allow
• Playfulness and spontaneity

My Journey

For me, on my journey, I continue to invite in more feminine energy. I naturally have well-entrenched masculine energy that desires achievement and results, so I need to be conscious of this. Having a baby definitely helped me move into a feminine space; it taught me to surrender (though not without a battle), to experience a new vulnerability and to be OK with being less in control. Today I spend more time with women, I changed careers to follow my passion and now express myself in different ways. I coach more, and I lead women’s circles, which are an integral part of my life today. All of these have helped invite in more feminine energy.

Being in your feminine energy is not about being weak, about giving up achieving or about surrendering to everything and everyone. It is about redefining success, enjoying the journey and allowing yourself to tap into the joys of life with more softness, trust, grace, and flow.